Standing in the Truth

Of Who You Are and What You Care About

Dear You,

Who are you? What do you care about? What matters so much to you that you’d be willing to stand on the losing side with it? What matters so much that you’ll keep fighting with every ounce of love you have to make sure it isn’t on the losing side?

As a kid, I used to tell my Dad at baseball games that I was holding out about which team to root for. I’d wait until it was clear which team was going to win. Yeah. I was that kid.  If you’re a baseball fan, you definitely have a favorite team, and I bet you’d never betray them by changing sides mid-inning, no matter how terrible they were playing. But, as a kid, I was just so afraid of being caught on “the wrong side” of anything. I was afraid of being seen.

As an adult, I know the stakes are higher. I stand on the side of reproductive rights. I stand on the side of religious freedom. I stand on the side of social justice. I stand on the side of these things because they align with my deepest values. And I stand with these values even when they seem to be losing the ballgame.

But, what does it mean to stand for something? If it’s all an exercise in virtue signaling, the stand is empty and self-serving. It isn’t enough to just say you stand for something. You’ve got to put your body where you stand. When I think of standing in the truth of something, I imagine traversing a creek by way of hopping stone to stone from one side to the other. Sometimes when you do that, there's a moment when you're standing on two stones, not quite yet abandoning the first stone, and not quite committed to the next. That's okay. Its unavoidable. But you don't get anywhere until you decide which stone to commit to and stand in the truth of that commitment. It doesn't get you all the way. But it does get you further than you'd get if you were never willing to step off the first stone onto the next. And I think standing in the truth is like that. You have to commit to it. And take action.

And so I’ll ask again. Who are you? What do you care about? What jersey are you wearing? What stones are you going to commit to standing on?

Here’s a process for beginning to discover the answers to these questions:

1. Find a values list online. I’m not going to link to one because there’s tons to choose from. Google it. Look over the list and circle the ones that resonate for you. Do you especially value Playfulness? Joy? Respect? See if you can narrow your list down to 5-7 that feel most important.

2. Once you have your list of core values, spend some time writing about how you live these values in your life. What actions do you take because of them? If you value Kindness, in what ways are you kind? If you wrote down Family, are you making time for them?

3. Consider your standpoint. In my last issue, I talked about the ethics of identifying your particular standpoint so that your readers (or clients) know your blind spots, priorities, and privileges. When it comes to taking action on the things that matter to us, standpoint has another layer of meaning. Ask yourself the question; “how can I most be helpful to the causes I care about from where I’m standing?” Are you a teacher? A medical professional? A therapist? A writer? A parent? There are opportunities in each of these roles to put your actions where your values are.

4. Consider the wider social issues that relate to the values you’ve identified as your own. Are you living up to your values in the world at large? If I value pleasure (and I do), how can I fight to make sure more people get to experience it? If I value body autonomy (and I do), how can I advocate for the body autonomy of others?

5. And then you come back round to mindfully being present with yourself. Give yourself the love you want to give the world. If you’d give a friend grace and encouragement when they aren’t perfect, give it to yourself as well.

Here’s an example of how I try to follow the steps above myself:

1. Some of my core values are- Pleasure, Sensuality, Connection, Vitality, and Personal Sovereignty.

2. I try to live these values in my life by- sipping sweet tea every morning, choosing my clothing in consultation with my inner sensual goddess, singing more often, being daring with human connection more often and more regularly, eating food with an awareness of the senses, asking for what I want, and embodying my own idea of sexy.

3. Considering my standpoint reminds me that as a writer and a therapist there are some ways I’m positioned to be helpful to other people who value the same things I do. And, as a person with a lot of privilege, I also recognize the responsibility to be a voice for change. And I understand I have a long way to go.

4. Because I value social justice, reproductive rights, and personal sovereignty, I’m looking for ways to help these things get larger and brighter in the world. I’m a member of the ACLU and the Sacramento Rainbow Chamber of Commerce. I vote for things I think will help these causes in the world. I read authors who expand my vision and teach me how to be the change I want to see. I’m just beginning to learn.

5. And then I come back round to me. I try to find the confluence. That place that makes me come alive that Howard Thurman talks about. If the world needs people who have come alive, that’s good, because that’s what I need too. And so, I love myself, and try to come alive with every fiber of my being.

Thanks for Reading!

With Love,

Katie

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Seeing is a Powerful Path to Love

This guitar and I have been in a relationship since December 2017. I’ve been kind of an on-again off-again lover to it’s sweet felicity. It’s a gorgeous guitar, and every one who plucks the strings eventually hands it back saying “that’s a really nice guitar!” I’ve been trying to teach myself to play, in an on-again, off-again, undiagnosed-ADHD kind of way. I’ve picked up a few chords. A. Am. A7. C. D. D7. E. Em. G. Yep. That’s about it. Those B’s and F’s just keep alluding me. (Although, now that I name all the chords I know, its pretty amazing what I’ve learned!) But, I can’t switch between the chords I do know very quickly, and I often stop and pause to find my fingering. Strumming patterns? Forget about it!

But!!… I’ll soon be getting my first actual guitar lesson!!! My cousin Travers Clifford is one of the most impressive guitar/mandolin/dobro players I’ve ever had the pleasure to listen to, and he’s taking pity on my efforts and has offered to give me lessons. Also, I’ve been playing my guitar more. Most every evening for the last 2 weeks I’ve been sitting down with her and practicing. I can change between the A and D chords now sometimes without looking. So here’s a photo to celebrate. I see you sweet guitar. And I am grateful.

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What I’m Reading:

Okay folks, I feel like I’m going to need to include some caveats with this book review. Currently, I’m reading Denise Linn’s Unlocking the Secret Messages of Your Body! A 28-Day Jump-Start Program for Radiant Health and Glorious Vitality. I feel like the title kinda oversells it. Maybe I’m just allergic to the word glorious. Also, this book was published in 2010 and there are places where it definitely shows its age. Also, I am cautious about approaches that claim you create your reality through manifestation and thinking positive. This book has a little of that.

But still, I have to say it: I am LOVING this book! Nearly all of the exercises rely on sound cognitive or mindfulness principles, and the gentle, intuitive approach to health and wellness is exactly what I needed. Each day, the author guides you through a thought exercise or health related action. I’ve decluttered some of the spaces around my house, and started flossing my teeth regularly.

One of the things I love the most about this book is that Linn offers three levels of participation, and you can switch between them. If you only have a few minutes, do the Level 1 exercise and call it good. If you have a little more time or energy, do the Level 2. If you want to go all out, there’s a Level 3. Almost every day she offers a reminder that no matter what you’re doing, its enough.

Also, at the beginning of the 28 day program she has the reader set up rewards for themselves to enjoy each day after completing the activities. I made a list of easy things that I can do without any extra money or time, with things I have on hand. Today, my reward is to spend some time lounging around in silk. Yesterday it was to lick a lemon. The day before that, it was making popcicles. I’m on Day 17, and I think this is going to be one book that I actually finish. Its just too damn helpful not to. It really is giving me a reset for health and vitality. And, I’m saying this reluctantly… its kind of glorious.

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Prompts and Practices

This exercise comes from Unlocking the Secret Messages of Your Body! that I review above. Its a way to discover which changes you’re actually willing to make.

1. Make a list of all the things you could do for your health. Or, use it for the values you uncovered earlier, and make a list of all the ways you could take action on the things that matter to you.

2. Next, circle all the things on that list that actually might do.

3. Finally, put a star by the (few) thing on the list that you really will do. This should be a much shorter list. Whatever you put a star by, make a sacred promise to yourself to do them. If you don’t, don’t beat yourself up, just start again tomorrow doing them.